Never Trust the Living (Battle Crows MC Book 7) Page 11

  To be honest, I’d always felt lonely while being with him. What’s the difference if I was lonely while with him, or lonely while I was alone?

  At least, before, that’d been my thought process. Now… now I realized that he was feeling much the same as I had been.

  Though both of us were too stubborn to say anything.

  Each one of us thought that the other didn’t want us… and look where that communication, or lack thereof, had gotten us. We’d gotten nowhere and had nothing but ten years of heartache to show for our marriage.

  But now, we were living our fresh start. Our fresh start in our new town, that had a person that’d beat the hell out of me on the loose.

  “I’ll call when I get to work.” I paused. “Are you excited?”

  Today would be his first day of work, too. A day of work that would eventually take him into the Gulf of Mexico, hours offshore.

  Though, not today. Today was just an orientation day for him. A day where he learned what he needed to learn about the company, did what he needed to do when it came to their preliminary hires, and hopefully be home in time for dinner.

  “They’ll probably want me there to show them what skills I have on the job. I’m sure I’ll take the morning filling out bullshit paperwork and going through safety meetings. I’m not so excited about today, per se, but next week when I can actually get out there and work? Yeah, I’m excited about that,” he admitted.

  Bram hadn’t had the best of underwater welding jobs where we’d been living in Intercourse. But now, with the whole Gulf at his fingertips, there were all kinds of opportunities to be had.

  And more danger.

  Which scared the crap out of me. Not that I would be admitting that.

  “All right,” I said softly. “Well, we both need to go. You’ll be okay on your bike today?”

  He grinned. “Rain or shine, baby. Bikers take it any way they can get it.”

  I giggled, which amused him.

  “You’ll be okay in that brand-new luxury ride?” he teased.

  It was a luxury ride. It was the nicest vehicle I’d ever been in before.

  It was a BMW X7. Top-of-the-line everything, and Bram had paid cash for it.

  So yes, I would be perfectly okay in my luxury SUV that was paid off.

  “Yes.” I rolled my eyes. “Walk me out?”

  “Anytime.”

  We parted at our vehicles after he kissed the hell out of me again.

  He followed me all the way to my office, then went to his own.

  Then, for the next two hours, I got to know the women I’d be working with for the next few months.

  • • •

  “Is that your husband?” Marsha, the front desk receptionist that worked for both me—yeah, I was still getting over that myself—and the other doctor in the practice.

  I looked up from my notes that I was taking and inputting into my previous patient’s chart to find Bram walking toward the front door with a sexy gait that really set my blood on fire.

  Now that I’d figured out I could hold sweet stuff down—and had meds to settle me down when I needed it—I was finally able to focus on other urges.

  Like the one currently setting my pants on fire at the sight of my husband.

  He was wearing dirty work pants, dirty work boots, a clean gray T-shirt that said ‘Dr. Pepper’ on it, and a black ball cap pulled low over his eyes.

  His hair was overly long and curling out from around the back of his ball cap, and it was so adorably cute that I wanted nothing more than to run my fingers through each individual curl.

  I felt myself smiling as I dropped my head back down to finish my notes.

  “That’s him,” I confirmed.

  “All those curls,” Marsha whispered. “They’re to die for. I’ll bet you love running your fingers through them.”

  Dutch, the other psychologist who’d hired me to work with her for the next six months, came out of her office with a young man in front of her. “I’ll see you next week at two, correct? Don’t be late this time. My hourly rate is still the same whether you show up on time or not.”

  My lips were twitching as the young man walked out grumbling a ‘yes.’

  Dutch, a thirty-year-old woman that had a shock of red hair and a body to die for, looked at me with exasperation. “I swear, you tell them a time, and they think that you owe it to them to give them whatever they want. When will men learn?”

  “Don’t think they ever do, ma’am,” came Bram’s amused reply.

  I looked up to find him standing in the waiting room with the glass wall separating our offices, looking from me to Dutch to Marsha and back again.

  “And you are?” Dutch asked, crossing her arms defensively over her chest.

  “Bram Crow, Dory’s husband,” he answered smoothly. “You’re Dr. Panchek?”

  “Yes,” she answered. “And it’s nice to meet you. Dory’s spent the entire time singing your praises between patients.”

  I felt myself blush as Bram’s eyes came to me.

  I gestured for him to come into my office, then stood up.

  He dropped the food onto my desk, then put both fisted hands on top of it and leaned into me.

  I drew in a breath before closing the distance and pressing my lips to his waiting ones.

  “How are you?” he asked when I pulled back.

  His bottom lip was still shiny with my kiss. Cherry lip gloss.

  “I’m okay,” I admitted. “Various bouts of nausea, but nothing I can’t handle with the medication. What did you bring?”

  He pulled out a McRib from McDonald’s.

  “It’s sweet,” he said. “And then I got you a milkshake, a cookie, and an extra set of fries if you think you can hack it. Though I left those outside in case the smell got to you.”

  Warmth spread in my middle. “I don’t know. But how about we eat this out there? That way you can eat with me, too.”

  Because my guess was he’d gotten himself a burger and fries, and we’d already learned the lesson there—don’t bring the smell to where it will stay for hours.

  I gathered my haul up and gestured toward the door. “Let’s go eat outside. I think I saw a nice little bench beside the walkway earlier.”

  The office that Dutch owned was on a water channel that wound around the office park that we were in. The walkway wound around the offices, and every so often, there was a bench you could sit and sightsee on for a while.

  He held out his hand for me, and I didn’t stop myself from sliding my hand into his.

  The last week had been perfect. It’d been everything that I’d ever wanted from a marriage with Bram.

  He’d been attentive, helpful, and even went out of his way to go above and beyond to prove that he was there to stay.

  But after that first day we’d arrived, when he’d told Mimi that he was raising a baby with me out of state and couldn’t help her with whatever was wrong… that had sealed the deal.

  Whatever precipice I’d been teetering on when it came to deciding whether I’d give Bram a true chance or not completely disintegrated with that one phone call.

  I held his hand as he guided me out of the office, both Marsha and Dutch watching with a smile on their faces.

  Right outside the door, he collected his own food and offered me a wink.

  They may not have met Bram, but I’d talked a lot about him over the last week as we’d gotten to know each other. Today might’ve been my first official day at the office, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t have a lot to say yesterday as I’d moved my stuff in, or two days before at the job interview with Dutch.

  “Why were they both looking at me like that?” He grinned as he looked down at me.

  I gestured to the park bench with our joined hands, then waited to explain until after I’d taken my seat.

  “Dutch was talking about how she’d never dated a ‘blue collar’ guy before yesterday as I was getting my stuff inside the office after you dropped me off. She was impressed by your attire or something. The jeans you were wearing were really dirty, I guess because you were working on the grill before we left. She was also super impressed with your motorcycle, and she thought that you were an example of what her next ‘go to’ type of man should be. Apparently, she’s only dated business types,” I explained.

  He grunted as he took a seat.

  “She’s pretty,” he said. “But I could tell as soon as I saw her that she was high maintenance.”

  “She’s probably the most down-to-Earth person I’ve ever met, high maintenance or not.” I smiled.

  He snorted and gestured toward me to eat. “Eat, honey. You have a thirty-minute gap until your next patient.”

  I wasn’t surprised he knew my schedule.

  He’d been quite open and honest about snooping all day.

  “I’m okay,” I told him.

  The bruises that I’d gotten from that night were all gone. The lacerations from the gravel were also disappearing. The only thing that was left was a little ache in my right knee.

  Hell, even the boot was gone. Had been since a few days after I’d put it on.

  I was as good as new, mostly.

  “I know.” He paused. “It just makes me jumpy, being here without having a clue what’s going on. Not having backup is weird, too.”

  “There’s always Wake,” I teased.

  Wake was an ex-con that’d just recently gotten out of prison.

  As in, the week before I’d met him, recent.

  He was a good guy, and from what I could tell, was just a victim of unfortunate circumstances.

  At least, that’s what he came off as to me.

  There were others in the town, like the sheriff, who didn’t think about him like I did.

 
Then again, I was a killer. I’d killed my own brother. Maybe Wake and I were kindred spirits.

  Because that’s what he’d done. He’d gone on a killing spree and had killed every pedophile in a certain radius after his daughter had been harmed. Including the guy that’d harmed her.

  Honestly, killing fourteen child predators seemed like a perfectly rational and explainable thing to do.

  “Yeah, Wake’s been really good,” Bram agreed. “I like him.”

  “You like him because he’s exactly like you,” I teased. “All badass, doesn’t give a fuck about anything, and would literally rip the balls off of anyone that hurt me.”

  Bram smiled.

  “That I’d do,” he admitted.

  I bumped him with my shoulder, then started to eat.

  Only a hint of nausea rolled through me.

  I groaned as I got the first taste of fries for the first time in months.

  “Holy shit.” I shoved more into my mouth. “These are amazing.”

  He chuckled as he ate, watching me with amusement as I all but downed everything that I had. Then eyed his that he was still working on.

  Without a word, he handed his fries over to me with a smile. “I can stop for more.”

  He wouldn’t stop for more.

  He didn’t have time.

  But I was just so hungry.

  I ate them all with a flourish and sat back against the bench’s back and groaned.

  “Damn.” I rubbed my belly. “I think we found our new meal for a while.”

  He chuckled as he started packing his trash away, and a tiny little flutter from my belly had me pressing my hand against my stomach.

  “Can I feel?”

  I blinked and looked over at Bram, who was looking so vulnerable in that moment that a little bit of my brick wall crumbled.

  “Yes,” I agreed quickly. “I feel him inside… but outside…”

  I pressed his hand to where I could feel the baby moving.

  It felt like little gas bubbles at this point, but they were fluttery, fast, and I felt them all over. So I knew that they were the real thing.

  I pressed two of his fingers in a little deeper and smiled when I felt the soft flutters.

  “Feel it?” I wondered.

  “No,” he sighed. “Soon, though.”

  I moved my shirt up, then pressed his fingers against my bare flesh.

  I all but groaned inwardly upon feeling it.

  God, I wanted his hands on more than just my bare belly.

  I wanted them on everything bare…

  The last week with him in bed beside me had been torture.

  “How about now?” I asked, looking over at him.

  His eyes were closed tightly shut, and I wondered if he was feeling the same thing that I was.

  “Nothing,” he croaked.

  I looked down at where his hand was on my belly, splayed so wide that he almost encompassed my entire abdomen.

  I smiled.

  Then reached for my phone to take a picture.

  “My hand’s dirty,” I heard him say as I got my phone out.

  When he started to pull away with a grimace, I snapped my free hand forward and squeezed. When he got his hand back down to my belly with his fingers spread again, I pulled away.

  His curious gaze was on my face.

  I shrugged and took the picture. “I don’t care. Not even a little bit.”

  CHAPTER 18

  Physically thick and mentally sick.

  -T-shirt

  DORY

  Later that night, as I lay in bed with Bram behind me, holding me close, I realized that I was going to have to make the first move.

  He was respecting my boundaries. He was being courteous and polite.

  He was slowly killing me inside.

  I shuffled my legs again, causing his soft snoring to stop momentarily before picking back up again just as softly.

  I’d always loved hearing him snore.

  The comfort of knowing he was there, even to protect me in my sleep? That meant the entire world to me.

  And he didn’t even know it.

  He didn’t know that, just by being around, he was slaying one of the many demons that Amon instilled in me.

  Truthfully, in the months that I’d been away from Bram, there’d been a whole lot of not sleeping going on. Sure, some of it was likely due to the fact that I’d been pregnant and didn’t know it. But there was also the fact that every little sound startled me. A creak? Wake up. A strong surge of wind causing the house to settle? Wake up.

  I battled for sleep every single night, and when I woke up the next day, I was never rested.

  But now, with Bram? I could sleep.

  And that meant the damn world.

  I rolled, flopping over on my stomach, and felt the small bump of my belly as I did.

  I wondered idly how much longer that I would be able to do what I’d just done and was so focused on my thoughts that I didn’t realize that the man beside me was awake.

  Not until his hand settled over my back, moved to curve over my hips, and then he pulled me into his side.

  “You’re restless.” His sleep addled voice made excitement pour through my veins.

  Him being this close, touching me when we were practically naked, paired with my earlier thoughts of how much I wanted him… well, let’s just say that I wasn’t in a good place.

  “Can’t turn my brain off,” I admitted, feeling the urge to open up a little bit. “When I left… I didn’t realize how shitty I was sleeping. Then tonight, for the first time since you came back to my bed, I was awake. But only because… anyway.” I felt my face flush. “I’ve always felt so safe with you when I sleep. But when you’re gone, all of those demons come out to feast in my nightmares.”

  He pressed a kiss to the side of my head.

  “You ever going to tell me why you can’t sleep by yourself?” he asked. “I’ve asked before…”

  He had.

  And I’d told him that I didn’t want to talk about it. He’d respected it.

  But maybe he needed to know.

  “When I was a kid,” I said softly, “Amon used to go out of his way to torture me. One of those ways was when I was sleeping. He’d come into my room in the middle of the night and do things to me. Not sexual things,” I rushed to say when he stiffened. “But things such as I was fairly sure from a very young age that he was going to kill me. He liked to see how close he could get before I’d ultimately pass out. Then he’d do it all over again the next night.”

  “Pass out,” he stated.

  “His favorite thing to do was hold a pillow over my face so that I couldn’t breathe. I’d eventually pass out and go limp, and he’d leave, only to do it again the next night.” I licked my dry lips, feeling his arms around me tighten. I finished the rest with my face practically buried in his neck. “I think I was close to dying a lot in my childhood. Eventually, our parents were reported. We were taken away from them and placed in the foster care system. When they died, the foster homes became my life. We were separated at first. And I started to think my life might turn around. But then he killed my foster parents. And then I got stuck with him because he was eighteen and petitioned the court.”

  “And then he tortured you until he found me,” he murmured. “Then you saved me.”

  I sighed into his neck. “I hated him. Still hate him. He’s ruined everything.”

  “He did do something right,” he murmured quietly, startling me with his words. “He brought you to me.”

  I felt my heart start to hammer. “Bram, are you sure that I’m what you want?”

  My hand moved up to his chest and I pressed it against his heart.

  It was hammering.

  “I’ve never been more sure of something in my life,” he assured me. “Those months you were gone? They were the most miserable I’ve been in my life.”

  I couldn’t help saying what I said next. “Mimi would be better for you. She’s not messed up like me.”

  “She may not be messed up,” he agreed. “But she hasn’t been who I’ve loved for a long time. You are.”

  I felt tears sting my eyes as my nose started to run.

  God, I hated crying.

  Crying and me didn’t get along.

  “Bram…”

  “I should’ve told you a long time ago and been completely honest with you.” He started to drag his fingertips up my bare back, pushing my shirt farther and farther up to reveal my bare skin. “But Mimi hasn’t meant anything to me since before I even met you. She was well liked by everyone but who was supposed to like her. Me.”