Never Trust the Living (Battle Crows MC Book 7) Page 6

“Yeah?” I asked very quietly.

  “You got any more beer anywhere?” he asked.

  I licked my lips nervously and said, “No. I think I only bought three cases.”

  That’d been all that I could carry.

  “Fuck. That sucks. You should’ve gotten more,” Price grumbled, turning around and dismissing me.

  “What’s that face for?” Jeremiah wondered.

  I looked at him with a hint of fear in my eyes that I couldn’t quite hide. “He used to call me Dorcas in the most annoying way,” I admitted, changing my voice to sound like Amon’s soulless one. “‘Dorcas, does that food taste good? Dorcas, do you want to come sleep with me tonight? Dorcas, don’t you just hate it when you wake up and you can’t breathe?’” I shook my head. “Hearing my name gives me major ‘I want to stab myself in the eardrum with a knife’ vibes.”

  When I looked at Jeremiah next, it was to see his face completely blank.

  “When’s the last time you ate?” he asked quietly.

  I had no clue.

  At least not since yesterday sometime.

  I’d been too nervous about today to eat what little my body would allow.

  “What if you watched me cook you something?” he asked, obviously reading the look on my face for what it was.

  I thought about that for a moment.

  “I can sometimes only eat lunch meat and bread,” I admitted.

  “What about a grilled cheese?” he asked.

  I swallowed hard. “I think… as long as the cheese is pre-packaged, I could do that.”

  There couldn’t be any butter, though.

  “Come on.”

  That was the first time that I ate anything that Jeremiah cooked for me—someone besides myself, as a matter of fact, that didn’t come from fast food. But it definitely wouldn’t be the last.

  • • •

  Honestly, I think I would’ve been all right continuing to live the life that we’d made with each other… until I saw that Mimi had come back home to run her parents’ racetrack years after we’d married.

  It was seeing the look in Bram’s eyes as he stared at her that sealed the deal.

  It was that look that helped me make the decision.

  Not only was the investigator that’d been responsible for looking into Amon’s murder dead—he’d died in a car accident a year ago—but Mimi was back.

  There was no reason to keep playing this game.

  No reason to keep thinking that I could make Bram happy when everyone knew I couldn’t.

  No reason to continue to deal with abuse from the Crow family when I didn’t need to anymore.

  It was time, and I made the decision while having sex with Bram.

  “Turn over,” he growled.

  I did, unhappy that I couldn’t put up a fight when it came to my husband.

  I would do anything to make him happy.

  Even leave.

  He fucked me from behind.

  He gave me an orgasm.

  And not once did he have to look into my eyes. So he could pretend I wasn’t really me.

  It was after he’d fucked me that I realized the truth.

  Sex with Bram was never how it was supposed to be.

  He always, always, always made it good for me. I never finished unsatisfied. But there was always something missing.

  Something pivotal that was missing that I knew would be there had it been Mimi.

  So, as he fucked me to his own orgasm, I realized a few things.

  This would never, ever be what I wanted it to be.

  And I could leave.

  As of last month, I’d graduated from college with a degree in child psychology. Something in which I’d worked hard over the last three years to accomplish four years of work in three.

  I mean, what the hell else were you supposed to do with your time when nobody talked to you?

  Anyway, the next day, when Bram left for work, I started packing my things.

  The only things that I took were my clothes, my toiletries, and my snacks.

  Snacks that he wouldn’t eat, anyway.

  With my car packed with my belongings, I took one last glance at the house that I’d come to love—with the man that I loved inside of it—and left.

  Not once glancing back.

  CHAPTER 9

  If you don’t start none, there will always be some. Because there’s always that one bitch.

  -Bram’s secret thoughts

  BRAM

  Over the last six months, my brothers had systematically gone down one after the other. First Haggard, then Shine. Followed closely by Price and then Tide. It’d taken me watching them fall in love and be happy and talking to my new sisters-in-laws, to realize that I’d been a complete and utter dumbass.

  For ten full years, I’d had the epitome of perfection at home, and I’d done nothing but squander that time away.

  I’d come so accustomed to having her there, having exactly what I wanted and needed at all times, that I didn’t realize that I wasn’t giving back what I got.

  I didn’t know my wife at all, even though I knew that I loved her.

  It was that quiet type of love.

  I couldn’t tell you when, exactly, I’d fallen for her. Maybe it was when she’d given herself to me the first time. Or possibly when she never forgot a single holiday or birthday. Or hell, it could be when she made sure that every one of my brothers, and parents, got the most perfect Christmas gift for them.

  Whenever it was, I knew that I was head over heels for her.

  And I needed to do a better job showing it.

  I’d come to the conclusion slowly, like the dumbass that I was.

  I knew that some of my brothers had problems with her. I also knew that I didn’t stand up for her enough.

  But what I didn’t know was how I was going to make it up to her.

  Even if it took me the rest of our lives, I would.

  That was the only thing on my mind as I drove home from a ride with my brother, Price, that clear, crisp fall day.

  The weather was oddly cold for this time of year, and my mind was on that, and how cold I was, when I pulled into the driveway to find it empty.

  I frowned and looked at my watch.

  She was never not there at this time of day.

  I knew that she went to school. I also knew that she had a job at the college in admissions. But that would’ve been over with hours ago.

  It being nearly seven at night…

  I got off the bike and headed into the house, knowing something was off almost from the instant I breached the doorway.

  “Dory?” I called, stepping over a loose shoe that’d fallen to the ground. “Where are you?”

  I knew, though.

  My first stop was the spot by the garage where her car should be parked.

  Her car that I’d been meaning to get her a replacement for for the last two years.

  God, I was such an ass.

  I really needed to…

  When I opened the door between the garage and the kitchen, I saw what my heart was trying to tell me.

  The car was gone.

  My heart sank.

  On stiff legs, I walked into the bedroom and straight to the closet where she kept her clothes.

  I found the hangers there, in perfectly symmetrical rows, but no shirts in sight.

  Her jeans were also gone from the cubbyholes where she kept them.

  Her shoes? Gone.

  Her toiletries in the bathroom? Gone.

  Her pillow? Gone.

  Goddammit, she’d even changed the sheets, so the scent of her would be gone.

  With a sour stomach, I walked back into the kitchen to see a note that I hadn’t seen before laying on the counter.

  I was almost terrified to have what I knew to be true confirmed.

  Bram,

  I’m sorry to do it like this, but I didn’t think I could manage to do it face to face.

  I’m leaving. I’ll be sending you divorce papers in the mail once I can have a lawyer draw them up.

  I didn’t take anything but the car, my clothes, and my snacks. I’m sorry if I took anything you paid for, but if you want it back, I’ll send it to you when I get settled. Just text me. I won’t have my phone on, though. But I’ll check it every once in a while to make sure.

  If you have need of me, I’ll send over the number to the house phone when I get one. I left all the passwords and usernames on the back of this page to pay for all the bills. I took myself off of your account today, too, and opened one in my own name. So you don’t have to worry about doing that.

  Also, I let my old boss know to forward my last paycheck to you. To cover this month’s expenses on my end. I’m sorry to leave you like this but it was the best solution for me.

  I just want you to know that I don’t mind if you want to start seeing Mimi again before the divorce is final. I’ll never be back, so we don’t have to worry about ‘appearances’ anymore.

  Hope you get what you want out of life, Bram.

  Best,

  Dory.

  By the time that I finished reading the note, I realized that my world had just been torn in two.

  • • •

  “What do you mean, she left?” Jeremiah asked, sounding alarmed.

  It was Shine’s ‘good riddance’ that had me whipping my head around to pin him with a glare so ferocious that I was surprised to see him flinch.

  “Don’t talk about her like that,” I hissed. “How would you feel if Iris left you like that?”

  Iris, who’d been completely silent since I’d announced that Dory was gone, looked at Shine like she wanted to strangle him.

  “I feel for Iris a whole lot differently than you feel for Dorcas,” Shine shot back.


  I fisted my hands and took a threatening step toward him as I said, “Don’t call her by that name. She hates it. And also, I do feel about her like that. I just don’t think that she should have to be saddled with me for the rest of her life when I wasn’t the one that she got to choose.”

  Shine blinked at me. “What?”

  “What do you mean what?” I snapped. “What part of that comment did your puny little brain not compute?”

  Shine crossed his arms over his chest as he said, “The part where you said you actually liked her.”

  I clenched and unclenched my hands as I said, “She’s my fuckin’ world, dumbass. I feel like part of my soul has left me.”

  Shine uncrossed his arms as he said, “Well nobody can fuckin’ tell, you twit. You treat her like shit! If you love someone like you say you love Dory, then you don’t treat them the way you treat her! How do you expect me to treat her when you treat her the exact same way I was just treating her?”

  He had a very valid point.

  As in, I had no clue what to say to that.

  In the last three years, I’d felt more and more guilt about what I’d done to Dory.

  I’d trapped her in a marriage that she would never be able to get out of. The guilt had gotten so bad at times, that I’d tried my level best not to even be around her.

  Which, obviously, my family had picked up on.

  Goddammit, I was such an asshole.

  But the thought of her not loving me like I loved her… that was just something that my puny little brain couldn’t deal with.

  So I’d done what I did best—stay away from her.

  And now, looking back on my actions that had led to this point…

  “You know she loved you, right?”

  I blinked hard and looked at Jeremiah as if I couldn’t quite understand…

  “What?” I asked.

  “She loved you,” he repeated. “With her whole heart. It was plain for anyone to see that took the time to look for it.”

  Now that made me feel like absolute trash.

  If I could’ve gotten lower, that would’ve sealed the deal for me.

  “What are you trying to say?” Haggard asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “I’m trying to say that you all are a bunch of loyal assholes,” Jeremiah pointed out. “Yes, you loved Mimi. But there was a reason that Mimi is gone. Dory is Bram’s wife now. Y’all could’ve taken the time to get to know her. It’s been ten years. How much longer are you gonna wait for Mimi to come back before you realize that Dory is here to stay?”

  Jeremiah had a point.

  I had zero intention of ever leaving Dory.

  I cared for her greatly. Not to mention, after today, I was more than aware that I felt a whole lot more than that. Love, to be completely honest, was the feeling that I was feeling right then. Love, and heartbreak, and goddamn stupid that I let her get away.

  “What do I do now?” I asked.

  “Find her and bring her home,” Jeremiah suggested. “Preferably before she realizes she’s better off without you.”

  Part II

  CHAPTER 10

  I want someone to stand up at my funeral and say ‘she didn’t like any of y’all.’

  -Dory to Bram

  BRAM

  It took me four and a half months to find her.

  Four and a half months of looking everywhere for her.

  Eventually, I’d had to enlist the help of not only Easton and his crew of private investigators, but also Hunt, a computer genius from a fellow motorcycle club—Souls Chapel MC—to find her.

  But, according to Hunt and Easton, she’d done really well hiding her trail.

  She’d only used cash for the longest time.

  Until last week when she’d shown up on a local ATM as she pulled out some money.

  I’d already been on my way there—Accident, Florida—when I’d gotten a call that’d sent me flying.

  “Hello?” I answered, pulling over to the side of the road to answer.

  The helmet that I usually wore that connected to my Bluetooth headphones was broken, meaning any calls that I had to take were done the old-fashioned way—via placing the phone to my ear.

  “Mr. Crow?” a rough male voice said carefully.

  “Yes.” I stiffened, unsure that I liked hearing that caution in someone’s voice.

  Usually that caution preceded bad news.

  “This is Gary Stegan from Accident Memorial ER. Your wife, Dorcas Crow, is here. She sustained a fall. You’re listed as her emergency contact,” Gary Stegan said.

  I felt my stomach sink to my toes.

  “I’m already on my way,” I answered. “I’m still at least three hours from Accident. But I’ll be there as soon as I can.” The next words stuck in my throat slightly as I said, “Is she okay?”

  She had to be.

  The last four and a half months had been the worst of my life.

  I’d had no fucking clue—none—about how much she meant to me until she was gone.

  All my noble intentions of not bringing her further into my web of lies, deceit, and mayhem died a slow death the longer I had to live without her.

  No longer did I care that I was going to force her—and eventually our children—to live in a world that might not always be completely on the up and up.

  Now, I knew that she was going to be mine, forever, and I’d just have to find a way to make her want me.

  But now, with her hurt…

  “She’s okay,” the man replied.

  Gary. Was he a nurse? Or her doctor?

  “She’s suffered a few bumps and contusions. At first, we were worried about a head injury, but now that we’ve ruled out a concussion, we’re only worried about the baby now.”

  Baby.

  My heart stopped and my stomach completely dropped to my feet.

  I stared at nothing for a few long seconds before I said, “Baby?”

  “Shit. You didn’t know that?” he asked. “She was so far along that I figured she’d shared. But some women get scared to share that kind of stuff with their partners at the beginning. Miscarriages are scary, I’ve heard. But yeah, baby. Act surprised when she tells you.”

  I had a feeling she hadn’t been planning on telling me until it’d happened. Or at all.

  I sure the fuck hoped she’d planned on telling me, even if it was at the very end.

  Though, it broke my goddamn heart to know she’d been thinking she was about to do this by herself because of how I’d treated her.

  Goddammit.

  For ten years, I’d done nothing but stay away from her as much as I could.

  But it didn’t matter.

  Ten years was enough for me to get comfortable. For me to think that she would always be there.

  I was so fucking stupid.

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I said. “Don’t let her leave.”

  “Oh, she won’t be,” he promised. “She still has an appointment with the OB, and since there’s only one in the entire town of Accident, and he’s currently swamped with three other delivering women, I highly doubt that’ll be anytime soon. But she’s stable for now.”

  The ride that was supposed to take me three hours, ended up being two and a half with how fast I rode.

  By the time I arrived at the hospital, I’d somewhat calmed myself down.

  That was until I walked into her hospital room and saw her lying in the bed on her side sleeping.

  The bruises on her face, and all the way down her exposed arm, were alarming. But it was the boot that was on her foot that was making me the most nervous.

  What had happened to cause that much damage?

  That wasn’t just a ‘fall.’

  That looked like she’d been in a car accident or had been beaten.

  Walking farther into the room, I said, “Dory?”

  Dory’s eyes flashed open so fast that she was staring at me in confusion.

  Her eyes were bloodshot, and I could see now that her beautiful blue eyes that I loved so much were open, that there were deep purple bruises under both eyes.

  Maybe she’s not sleeping, just like I’m not.

  “Bram?” she asked in confusion. “What are you doing here?”

  I swallowed hard as I resisted the urge to rush toward her and pull her into my arms.

  “I was already on the way here when I got a call from some guy that said you were in the hospital.” I swallowed hard. “What happened?”

  Her eyes were deep and wounded as she said, “A little mishap at the place I’m staying.”

  I tilted my head, wondering why she was downplaying her being hurt, when a man entered the room.