Controlled Burn- To Publish Read online

  Text copyright ©2016 Lani Lynn Vale

  All Rights Reserved

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Dedication

  To the readers that buy my books. This one is for you!

  Acknowledgements

  FuriousFotog: Thank you so much for taking these photos for me. They’re beautiful, and you have such incredible talent it’s unreal.

  Shane- This is my second cover with you on it, and no less beautiful than the first. Thank you!

  Other titles by Lani Lynn Vale:

  The Freebirds

  Boomtown

  Highway Don’t Care

  Another One Bites the Dust

  Last Day of My Life

  Texas Tornado

  I Don’t Dance

  The Heroes of The Dixie Wardens MC

  Lights To My Siren

  Halligan To My Axe

  Kevlar To My Vest

  Keys To My Cuffs

  Life To My Flight

  Charge To My Line

  Counter To My Intelligence

  Right To My Wrong

  Code 11- KPD SWAT

  Center Mass

  Double Tap

  Bang Switch

  Execution Style

  Charlie Foxtrot

  Kill Shot

  Coup De Grace

  The Uncertain Saints

  Whiskey Neat

  Jack & Coke

  Vodka On The Rocks

  Bad Apple

  Dirty Mother (11-3-16)

  Rusty Nail (12-1-16)

  The Kilgore Fire Series

  Shock Advised

  Flash Point

  Oxygen Deprived

  Controlled Burn

  I Like Big Dragons Series

  I Like Big Dragons and I Cannot Lie

  Dragons Need Love, Too

  Oh, My Dragon (Winter 2017)

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Epilogue

  What’s Next?

  July Amsel and Dean ‘PD’ Hargrove fell head over heels in love. When PD comes home to tell July the good news about joining the SWAT team as a tactical medic, everything changes.

  July can’t fathom why PD would want to be a cop in this day and age. Wasn’t it enough that he already had a dangerous job with the fire department? Now he has to add another, even more dangerous, job to the equation? With so many cruel people in the world who make a sport out of hurting cops just because of the badge they wear, she has to make him understand. But when he refuses to listen to her reasoning, she feels she has no other choice but to issue an ultimatum: her or the SWAT team.

  Dean doesn’t like ultimatums. He’s furious with July for putting him in the awful position of having to choose between a dream and her. July never believes for a second that he’d choose the SWAT team over her, but she is wrong.

  A year later, they’re both still in love with each other, but neither one is willing to budge regardless of their feelings.

  July’s feelings for Dean haven’t changed, in fact her love for him has only grown. But seeing him living his life seemingly unaffected by the loss of what they had breaks her heart over and over each time she sees him.

  Dean has a good poker face, though. He’s just going through the motions of his life until finally, the smoldering embers of his feelings erupt into a full-on blaze of emotion, burning through everything but his love for July. When the smoke clears, Dean wants to know if they can reignite the fire of their love or is he destined to live his life in a constant state of controlled burn?

  Prologue

  Nobody is born a warrior. Exactly the same way that nobody is born a bitch. Sometimes life just happens, and bitches have to adapt.

  -Words of Wisdom

  July

  My belly was practically rolling inside of my abdomen.

  “Why do they have you working at the fire station?” Des asked as I drove to the fire house I would be working at today.

  “Apparently, the chief that works here needs some help with some paperwork that the city is now requiring them to have on file. I’m going to help make sure all the men and women employed by the fire department have the right paperwork,” I explained as I made the final turn onto the street that would lead me where I was going.

  “That’s kind of cool. Able’s there for another half an hour,” Des explained.

  Able was Des’ husband, and I loved him to death. I was actually quite relieved to know that he was going to be there. Able’s fellow firefighters could be intimidating.

  It wasn’t that they weren’t nice; it was just that they were all extremely good looking, and my mouth never seemed to be able to spit the words out correctly.

  I said a silent prayer that Dean wouldn’t be there, and actually thought I lucked out as I pulled into the parking lot and didn’t see his truck.

  “I’m here,” I said. “Wish me luck.”

  Des laughed and wished me luck, and then I hung up before her laughter could get too annoying.

  My best friend knew all about my crush on one particular firefighter.

  She also knew how I got tongue-tied and always ended up making a fool of myself in front of him.

  “Thank God,” I breathed as I parked my truck next to a motorcycle, thankful that I didn’t see the familiar sparkly red truck.

  “Yo,” Able said before I’d even gotten out of my car.

  I looked up to see him tucking his phone back into his pocket, and I grinned at him.

  “She called you, didn’t she?” I asked.

  He nodded. “We’re not going to eat you.”

  “I didn’t say that you would,” I informed him primly. “Nor did I say anything that even remotely sounded like that to her over the phone.”

  He grinned. “You get your sink fixed?”

  I nodded quickly. “I fixed it myself. I YouTubed it.”

  He snorted. “You rigged it up, and it’ll likely break, won’t it?”

  I shrugged noncommittally.

  “Mayyyybe,” I hedged. “Show me where to go.”

  He bowed slightly and threw his arm around my shoulders.

  “I’m about to get off, my relief showed early. I’ll show you where to go, but I’ll be gone if you need anything else,” he told me. “Dean’s here, though.”

  I tripped over myself.

  “What?” I tried to act like that name had no effect, even though we both knew it was a lie. “I didn’t see his truck.”

  “He rode his bike in today,” he explained, easily reading the truth on my face. “The one you parked next to is his.”

/>   I swallowed thickly and asked, “He rides?”

  Able nodded his head, and I wanted to groan.

  I loved motorcycles.

  Loved them. They were like crack to me.

  As if it wasn’t enough that Dean was tall, dark and handsome, but he just had to go and add ‘I ride a motorcycle’ to the list? Could he be any sexier?

  Eight hours later, as I was leaving, I realized that yes, he absolutely could get sexier.

  I’d successfully managed to avoid Dean all day.

  I’d seen him, yes. However, I hadn’t spoken to him. In fact, the only person I did speak with, the entire day, was Chief Allen who showed me what he needed, gave me what he had, and then had left me alone all day in the office to sort his shit and compare the city’s notes to his.

  I’d even skipped lunch in order to avoid all of the sexiness that was Dean.

  Now, though, I saw that my luck had run out.

  “Well, hello there, pretty girl,” Dean’s smooth, deep voice drawled.

  My head snapped up from my contemplation of the concrete to find him sitting on his motorcycle directly next to my truck.

  “H-hi, D-Dean,” I stuttered.

  He grinned, and his straight white teeth flashed.

  His eyes started at my toes and worked their way up as he took me in, and his grin widened.

  “I like your shirt,” he said.

  I looked down at the Kilgore Fire Department shirt that I’d bought from Allen before I’d left, then back up at him.

  “I’m going to go eat, and I hate wearing dressy shirts out. They’re uncomfortable as hell, and I forgot my t-shirt to change into,” I blurted out in a rush.

  “Are you going to eat by yourself?” he asked, his eyes holding mine.

  I nodded my head, my eyes searching his face.

  I couldn’t make out the color in the near darkness, but I knew for a fact that they were a warm brown resembling the color of melted chocolate.

  I’d memorized quite a bit about Dean Hargrove.

  I had a crush on him the size of Texas for a while now, and it only seemed to be getting worse.

  Which might explain why I accepted his next offer.

  “Go with me.”

  Not even hesitating in the slightest I said, “Sounds good.”

  ***

  Six months later

  I always knew he was too good to be true.

  My eyes started to leak as I listened to my boyfriend and his friend talk about me.

  Sure, I might be technically eavesdropping, but it surely wasn’t intentional.

  I mean, he was the person who got shot, of course.

  Not bad enough to warrant any emergency surgery, apparently.

  He was sitting there, laughing, with Alexa—his friend— in front of him.

  “She’s going to freak out,” Dean said to Alexa.

  Alexa’s eyes narrowed, and I saw her lean forward and press a strip of gauze over what likely was the gunshot wound on his back.

  “You need to do something about her if she’s going to continue to make you feel bad for doing your job,” Alexa murmured gently.

  Except it wasn’t ‘gently’. Her words were calculating.

  She was trying to get what she wanted, and I stood in her way.

  I always knew I was, but I never thought Dean would fall for the bullshit she was shoveling.

  Apparently, I was wrong.

  “I know,” he said. “I’m likely going to call it quits tonight, depending on how she reacts to this.”

  He patted his shoulder with his opposite hand, and the floor dropped out from under me.

  That had to be the explanation for why my stomach was suddenly in my throat, and why it felt like I couldn’t breathe.

  “I think that’s for the best,” Alexa said softly. “It’s likely not going to get better if it hasn’t already.”

  It’s only been a few months! I wanted to scream. I’ve only had a short amount of time to come to terms with the fact that he puts his life on the line!

  “You’re just going to have to tell her that she needs to chill,” Alexa sniped. “Either she chills, or you leave. It’s as simple as that.”

  Dean’s voice, deeper and filled with pain said, “I didn’t think she’d react like this. I thought for sure she’d get over it; or, at least, learn to control her reactions. You should’ve heard her on the phone when I told her I got hurt tonight. She screamed and started crying, making me feel terrible.”

  I had done that. But the scream hadn’t been for his benefit. It’d been because I’d fallen off the counter that I was standing on when his words had torn through me. Then I’d promptly twisted my ankle, which was about the size of a watermelon at this point.

  “Well,” Alexa said softly. “You gotta do what you gotta do. Lay it all out, let her see what her fear and words are doing to you. If she doesn’t understand, then she’s not the right one for you.”

  I stood outside Dean’s hospital door, my belly fluttering with nerves as their words poured through me.

  “You’re right,” he said. “She always makes me feel so bad, though. Guilt’s a bitch. Unfortunately, I think you’re right. I’ll talk to her tonight. Tell her it’s not going to work for me if she can’t get control of herself.”

  He would rather leave me than quit?

  He would rather throw away six months of happiness, declarations of love and explorational talks about marriage and babies, and keep doing a job that could kill him? A job that he knew for a fact had nearly killed my brother?

  I knocked on the door, and Dean’s guilt-filled eyes found mine.

  And I knew.

  Yes, he would most certainly leave me rather than leave his job, which he proved in the next couple of moments.

  “You heard,” he guessed, knowing I had.

  I nodded, keeping the tears at bay.

  I would not guilt him. I would not!

  He breathed out a sigh.

  “Okay,” he murmured. “Do you want to talk?”

  I shook my head.

  My eyes took in his shirt, the gash on his bicep where he’d gotten shot—though from what I could see it wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d envisioned—by a criminal tonight, and I felt resolve fill my spine.

  “No,” I declined.

  “Then I don’t think you have any reason to be here,” he replied gently.

  My throat felt like it was going to explode due to the tears that I was holding back, but I pushed it down.

  Only a few more seconds.

  I walked toward where he was sitting on the bed, forcing myself not to limp and let him see that I was hurt. Then he’d want to know why, and I didn’t think I could talk to him without the waterworks.

  “Here,” I said softly, taking his hat off.

  I handed it to him, and he took it, his eyes ravaged.

  The next thing to go was the necklace he’d given me.

  Placing it almost delicately onto the bed beside his thigh, I limped out of the room and didn’t look back.

  Because, if I had, I would never be able to keep those guilt-inducing tears at bay.

  “I’m sorry, PD,” Alexa said softly.

  Stupid. Fucking. Bitch.

  Chapter 1

  How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? One will see you in a while, and the other will see you later.

  -Words of Wisdom

  July

  I grumbled as I made my way up the steps to my new apartment, incredibly pissed off that I now had to get home from work at eight, rather than four thirty.

  I’d missed my favorite TV show, and now I’d have to wait an extra two weeks for it to come onto the website rather than watching it in real time.

  And yes, in this day and age, I was most likely the only freakin’ person in America that didn’t have a DVR.

  “What are you going to do? He’s called me no less than five ti
mes!”

  “Listen,” I grumbled to Angie, my assistant. “You’ll have to tell him I’ll call him tomorrow. I don’t have time to deal with his shit right now. I’m under a deadline, and it’s likely that I won’t get back to him even then.”

  “Okay. Another thing. The order of wood you had being delivered tomorrow for the house won’t be there on time. They’re thinking it’ll be closer to noon.”

  I cursed succulently.

  “I needed that to be there on time, dammit!” I hissed. “Shittttt. Okay, here’s what I need you to do…”

  Once I’d laid out my plans, I got off the phone and threw it down deep into my bag.

  The stair under my feet creaked as I grabbed my keys from my bag.

  I hated living in an apartment, but I’d sold my house for a hefty profit and now was in the middle of fixing up my second house.

  The one that Dean and I…I shut that line of thought down before I could get too far down that rabbit hole.

  This one I swore I wouldn’t sell.

  I’d live in it.

  For a little while.

  I was what you would call a ‘house flipper.’ I was a newbie, but I’d learned from the best.

  Dean had taught me…I viciously shut that thought down, too.

  Dammit! Why couldn’t he walk out of my thoughts as easily as he walked out of my life?

  I’d bought my first house when I was twenty-five years old, and I’d started fixing it up over the three years I’d lived there.

  It’d been a dilapidated pile of crap when I’d first gotten it. I’d paid a little over fifty grand for it, and I had poured my heart and soul into it while also working full-time.

  I’d sold the piece of my heart just over eight weeks ago for a very sweet hundred-thousand-dollar profit, and I was now living on the top floor of an apartment complex.

  Again.

  I hated apartment living, but I couldn’t pass up the offer I got for my house.

  It’d been too good to be true.

  Now with that profit, I was able to do it again but without the worry of a full-time day job.

  I’d also managed to buy another small project house that I was working on at the same time. This one was specifically intended to be flipped. I’d set a deadline for myself because I wanted to get it into the Parade of Homes that was scheduled for later this fall.