I'm Only Here for the Beard Read online

  “I didn’t hear anything,” I said. “What’d it sound like?”

  I pressed down harder on my stoma, then bit my lip when a wet sound filled the quiet surrounding us.

  “What was that?”

  I closed my eyes as mortification rolled through me.

  “Still unsure what it is you speak of,” I lied.

  Sean watched me carefully as he drove, periodically looking over at me, trying to figure out what in the hell was making all the noise.

  And by the time we’d arrived at the station and my colon was finished releasing hell, I ran to the station front door, keyed in the code on the keypad, and ran to my room.

  I was soaked to the bone with sweat, embarrassed, and nauseous.

  I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that shit!

  “Dammit!” I snapped, looking down to see my soaking wet shirt hoping and praying that there’d been no leaks.

  Lucky for me, there hadn’t.

  Unlucky for me, the lights went out when I was in the process of changing my colostomy bag.

  After a quick search for my phone, I realized that I’d left it in the medic in my haste to get to my room.

  Which left me with two options.

  Call out to Sean, or try to go get the phone without him seeing me practically naked.

  I chose option two.

  An option that I quickly realized I shouldn’t have chosen when I walked outside, grabbed my phone from the garage, and turned to find myself face-to-chest with Sean.

  At least I had grabbed a washcloth and covered my bare stoma first before pressing down…just in case.

  “Shit!” I gasped, pushing away from a very bare-chested Sean. “What are you doing?”

  “I was out here looking for a flashlight. What are you doing out here?” he questioned as he moved to the side.

  At least I thought he moved to the side. I couldn’t really tell if he was completely out of the way, but I chose to think he was and pushed my way through the doorway, only to come up short when the lights came suddenly back on, and I was left standing there with my shirt off, and my stoma bared to the world.

  “Uhhh,” I slapped the washcloth with my glove covered hand back over my biggest embarrassment. “See ya.”

  He grabbed my arm before I could move away and twisted me, staring at my belly with an intense focus that I didn’t like.

  “What is that?” he demanded, pointing to where my hand covered my belly.

  My stoma chose that second to let out one of its squeaks, and I closed my eyes as horror dawned upon me.

  “Just tell me. It’s not like I’m going to get mad at you for hiding something that you and I both know is nothing to be ashamed of,” he said. “And I know it’s something, because you’ve spent the last few weeks trying to avoid telling me you have an ailment. Trust me. I’m not stupid.”

  Sighing in defeat, I lifted my hand, and Sean’s eyes left mine to travel down my body.

  I did notice how he stalled at my boobs for a few short seconds before they continued their travel down my torso.

  He stopped at my stoma, then bent down to look at it closer.

  I pushed him away.

  “I just ate Taco Hell, man,” I told him. “I wouldn’t get that close. Our luck it’ll squirt you in the eye.”

  He went back to his full height, then grabbed me by the hand and led me back to my bedroom where all my supplies were on the bed waiting for me.

  “Was this the thing you were trying to keep from me right before we left?” he questioned with a knowing smile.

  I shrugged, not saying yes or no.

  “I’ll take that blush on your face as answer enough.”

  Then he went about helping me get my bag on, and I sat in stunned silence as he did.

  “What…”

  He laughed before I could finish.

  “My mother had IBS. She had a colostomy as well. For fifteen years before she died of colon cancer. I’ve done this more times than I can count,” he said, explaining before I could ask. “How did this happen?”

  Danger, Will Robinson!

  “Uhhh,” I bit my lip as he fixed me up. “Why do you ask?”

  Though I was uncomfortable at the thought of telling him how it happened, his knowing that I had it was actually a relief. Hiding it from people was freakin’ exhausting.

  He stood up, walked to the bathroom, and disposed of the gloves he was using before washing his hands.

  I picked up everything else, shoving it into the nearly full kitchen trash before emptying it and setting the bag beside the bay exit so I could take it out the next time we left.

  Then I went to my bedroom, picked out a new t-shirt and undershirt, slipping them both on, before I walked back into the living room where Sean was sitting on the couch.

  “I ask because I want to get to know you,” he said. “It’s what partners do.”

  He did have a very valid point.

  “My brother hit me with his patrol car while he was drunk off his ass, and I sustained some internal injuries.” I sank onto the couch beside him. “At first, they were worried I might lose a kidney, but it bounced back. A section of my bowels was too damaged to be saved, though, and they had to remove that portion of it. It needs some time to heal, and in the meantime, I’m stuck with this.”

  He blinked at me.

  “Your brother hit you with his patrol car while he was drunk.”

  It wasn’t so much a question as it was him repeating what I stated, so I stayed silent.

  “How much longer do they expect that’ll take to heal?” he gestured to my stomach.

  “I have another couple months left on my sentence. Less if things are healing well,” I admitted. “I’m visiting the doctor next week, a new one who’s based here instead of back home. He’s going to determine whether or not I’m ready to have it reversed.”

  His eyes were curious and on mine, not on the TV that was blasting in the background.

  “How long do they expect your recovery to take?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. A few weeks or so, I’d guess.”

  He frowned. “Damn.”

  My brows lifted.

  “Why do you say that?”

  I leaned forward, bringing one of the pillows off of the couch to my lap as I slowly started to wrap the tassels around my fingers, watching him think.

  “I’ll take some vacation,” he finally said. “That way I don’t have to deal with anyone that I don’t like.”

  My lip twitched.

  “You’d take vacation just so you’re not stuck with a partner that you don’t like,” I repeated. “That’s dedication right there.”

  He shrugged.

  “I’m old and tired of dealing with other people’s misconceptions about me. I’m not hard to work with as long as I like you. Other partners have their own way of doing things. I’m guessing it’s because you’re so new to being a paramedic that you’re more open to other medics’ way of doing things.”

  “Meaning, I don’t whine when you want to drive all the time and don’t get offended when you open doors for me and always put your back to the wall so you can see the room.”

  He sighed.

  “I…”

  The tones dropped, and he got up off the couch, walking to the door where his shoes were waiting.

  “Suspected woman in labor on the side of 225. Volunteer medics on the scene.” The dispatcher’s static-laced voice filled the air.

  “Goodie!” I clapped my hands.

  If I had to go out in the rain, at least I got to see something good instead of something gory.

  Childbirths were definitely one of my favorite kinds of calls.

  “It’s yours,” Sean said.

  I rolled my eyes.

  Sean had a problem with babies and birthing women. Something I’d figured out after the past few weeks of working with the man. If a woman even hinted at being pregnant, he wa
s passing her off to me.

  “I’ll deal with the women hiding food under their breasts all day long, not to have to deal with a woman during childbirth,” he’d informed me when I’d questioned him.

  “Aye, aye, Captain,” I saluted him.

  He narrowed his eyes at me.

  “Don’t start.”

  I grinned and offered him a smile tossed over my shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

  ***

  Six hours later, our shift change showed, and Sean and I both walked out shoulder to shoulder, to the parking lot.

  The sun was shining and our eyes were burning.

  After delivering a baby on the side of the highway last night, Sean and I had non-stop calls the rest of the night.

  I was seconds away from passing out, and I couldn’t wait to get home to my bed.

  Sean’s next words stopped me cold, though.

  “Want to go on a ride this weekend?”

  Before I could say ‘no, that’s not a good idea,’ my true feelings took priority, and I blurted out the first words that came to mind.

  My brows furrowed. “Sure. Where?”

  He grinned.

  “To Bear’s Smokehouse. Though, the ride’s going to start within the city limits and lead out of town.”

  My head tilted slightly toward the side.

  “What else is this?”

  He grinned.

  “A biker bash,” he informed me. “I’ll pick you up at ten.”

  With that, he was on his bike and starting it up, and I was left standing there watching him go, wondering if I was making a huge mistake.

  Chapter 5

  It’s the most wonderful time for a beer.

  -Not your average Christmas Card

  Sean

  I was nervous as fuck and couldn’t figure out why.

  She was my partner. She was my friend.

  And I was falling for her.

  Certainly not as fast as I’d fallen with my past girlfriends but falling for her nonetheless.

  The only good thing I could see in all of this was that we were denying it with everything we had in us.

  I don’t know why I invited her. I used my days off to recoup from being with her for twenty-four or forty-eight hours at a time, but I’d wanted to see her. And since I was off for three in a row, and she was off for two of those and then partnered with another medic on Tuesday until I came back on Wednesday, I wanted to see her.

  Hence, the reason I invited her to go on a ride with me.

  It was also my way of showing everyone that I’d moved on from Ellen and the heartache she’d caused me.

  Though, that heartache didn’t feel like much of anything these days. Even when I saw Jessie James and her together.

  They hadn’t come out and said that they were a couple, it was a given. I’d known toward the end of our time together that they had a thing. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see the longing glances they had both been tossing at each other.

  But now, with Naomi coming for a ride with me, maybe everyone would give me some fucking breathing room.

  Everyone but Naomi, anyway. She could stay as close as she wanted.

  “Where are you going?” my father asked.

  I turned to him, wondering if he had his President of Dixie Wardens MC hat or his father hat on.

  Either way I would’ve ignored him, but I didn’t want them to leave without me.

  “I’m going to pick someone up,” I leveled with him. “Don’t leave without me.”

  “You’ll be on time, or I’ll leave without you,” he shot back.

  I waved my favorite finger at him, causing him to growl.

  “This better not be some dumb blonde that’s only coming so you can prove to the club and Ellen that you’ve moved on.”

  That was my father talking.

  I gritted my teeth and managed not to snap at him, then walked out the door with my fists clenched tight. Ignoring the way it hurt to have my own father like my ex more than he liked me.

  I knew without him saying that Dad had hoped Ellen would be it for me. That Ellen would become mine, and then I’d start popping him out some grandbabies.

  Unfortunately for him, and for me, that wasn’t going to happen. At least not with Ellen.

  I was so lost in my thoughts that I nearly missed the rest of the men that were already starting to fill up our narrow driveway.

  “Yo,” I mumbled, skirting around Aaron’s bike.

  His wife, Imogen, was standing at his side, her side leaning against Aaron where he straddled his bike.

  “Hey, man,” Jessie held out his hand. “Where ya’ going?”

  I didn’t turn to face the man that was at my back. I had liked him at first, but now that he had the full devotion of my ex, it was hard to like him, let alone tolerate him.

  The fact that he was sitting in my driveway right now was making my hands itch to punch the fucker in the face.

  It didn’t matter that he never did anything untoward while Ellen and I were together. I knew that she had it bad for the man, and it was enough to put me off of anything Jessie James for the remaining unforeseeable future.

  “Gonna go pick up someone,” I told him the same thing I’d told my father. “Be back in a few.”

  The only good thing I could say about this was that Ellen wouldn’t be here.

  Jessie was still trying his hardest to not rock the boat too hard, and he was also denying his feelings in deference to me, I assumed. Meaning that, Ellen wouldn’t be on the back of his bike, and she also wouldn’t be here to rub it in.

  Thank God.

  I already needed to explain to Naomi that I wasn’t using her just to get back at my ex. I didn’t need to have it rubbed in her face the entire ride.

  Thirteen minutes later, I pulled to a stop in front of an older home that’d survived the flood last year.

  It was located at the top of a hill and was a pier and beam construction to boot, meaning it had extra protection from the water since it was raised a foot off the ground.

  It was also so old that I half wondered if it wouldn’t have been a kindness to the house to be swept away in the flood water.

  Alas, some people found the old shit beautiful.

  Me? I just saw a fire hazard.

  I was all for modern construction. The newer the better.

  If it was new, there was less chance of shit going wrong.

  Hence the reason I had a brand-new bike, and traded my bike in once every four years, if not a little earlier.

  See, I’d done the old breaking-down-in-front-of-the-fucking-mall thing. I’d also broken down in front of the Brookshire’s, the Taco Bell, the movie theater, and the most popular restaurant in town. All of which at least one of my friends had witnessed, giving them free reign to rib me after the fact.

  So yes, I was over the ‘will it pass inspection’ thing and was all about reliability. Houses. Cars. Motorcycles. Didn’t matter. If I could afford to buy new, that was what I’d get, or I’d wait until I could afford to buy new.

  This house was a far cry from new.

  I couldn’t see Naomi living here comfortably, either.

  It was old, run down, and I’d lay money down that it didn’t even have reliable running water.

  I could see a well house in the back that was likely the source of her water, and the power connected to the house looked like it would come down in a swift breeze.

  “Morning,” I rumbled as the devil herself exited the house and started toward me.

  She didn’t even bother locking up.

  “You’re not going to lock up the door?” I asked her when she made it off the last porch step.

  She looked over her shoulder at the house, then shook her head.

  “No,” she informed me. “There’s nothing in there to steal.”

  “Not a TV?” I asked.

  She rolled her eyes. “I have my laptop under a
blanket on the couch, which besides my Kindle, is my only source of entertainment when I’m at home.”

  “And let me guess,” I eyed her big ass purse. “You have the rest of your life in your purse?”

  She started to giggle as she walked down the path toward me, her eyes going to the ground to ensure she didn’t trip on one of the fucked up boards lining the front walk leading to the fucked up house.

  I chose to take a moment to take in her body.

  She looked different without her uniform. More carefree somehow.

  Though her shirt wasn’t tight, it was shapely. It must’ve been a throwback from her high school days, because it said Kilgore Bullies Soccer 2006 over the breasts.

  I couldn’t see any other reason she’d be wearing it unless she’d played.

  Her thighs, though…those were definitely soccer thighs. Even now, over a decade after that t-shirt was made, it was obvious she tried to keep in shape. Her legs were a tribute to her soccer days.

  They were the type made for power. To get her where she needed to go as fast as she could get there.

  And they’d look fucking amazing shoved up by her ears as I took her hard, my hands holding her knees hostage as I powered my hard cock into her willing body.

  Luckily, those sexy legs were encased in a sturdy pair of jeans, otherwise I’d have to commit the ultimate sin and ask her to change.

  As it was, I’d have to be giving up my leather jacket.

  I couldn’t risk that sweet, smooth skin of hers meeting the road and being torn off.

  Not only would I feel terrible, it’d be a slap to mankind’s face.

  She was everything that I looked for in a woman, and it literally baffled my mind that she had man trouble. Some good man with the right intentions, unlike me, should have swooped in and swept her off of her feet already.

  She should literally be birthing a man’s babies, and making his life fuller than it already was.

  Instead, she was walking toward me with a spring in her fucking step, unaware just what she was walking toward.

  As I watched her take the last few steps, I made a decision.

  I was done playing friends. I was done with my good intentions. I was also done fucking my life up.

  No more would I allow people to use me. I wouldn’t pick up any shift I could. I’d spend time with my girl – one who didn’t know that she was mine yet. And I’d fucking level any guy who tried to take her from me.